Friday, April 13, 2007

Dead to me.

I have a new saying:
Italian women want Italian men; Italian men want every woman they can get.

I saw the babies in my classmate Sylvia’s eyes when she said she wants to marry an Italian man. She's Italian, and I’ve come to find out that most Italian women want to be with an Italian. I guess there is something about the attitude and machoism of Italian men.

However…

Italian men cheat on their women. It’s almost a given, as if the boys are raised to cheat. They even have a hand signal they use amongst their friends, a gesture of disrespect. They use it to subtly say, “I’m disrespecting my wife.” The use of it gains them more respect among other males.

I hate to stereotype, but the more I see of this country and its people, the more I believe this one to be true. I have 2 prime examples amongst my own friends.
Two of my Italian girlfriends from school have boyfriends that they know are involved with other women. Girl 1. walked into her relationship knowing, in fact she was more of the mistress. The man was engaged and living with his fiancé. Girl 1. said her boyfriend was unhappy in his other relationship and wanted out. Girl 1. and her boyfriend have been dating for two years, and although he claims the other relationship has ended, he still hasn’t moved out of the same house as the former girlfriend. The old girlfriend knows nothing about Girl 1. Keep in my mind that my friend is very beautiful, smart, and probably the most talented student in our class. But somehow she finds herself staying in this relationship. Everything in me wants to yell at her to get out. The second girl in the same situation is also very beautiful and talented. When people ask her where her boyfriend is on a weekend night, she openly claims he’s with his other girl. For some reason she sticks with him.

All this has led me to a general distrust of Italian men. But as I began to think of it, there are a lot of regions of the world where men are commonly have mistresses. These are also places where women are disrespected in general. I know cheating happens in the States, but it seems to be a private and shameful thing. It also seems to happen more on both sides. In Italy women are expected to be monogamous, and the men are applauded for having mistresses.

There's definitely a sickness here.

20 comments:

D said...

ahh, the machismo.

i encountered the same thing in ecuador. you couldn't walk down the street without hearing men making cat calls at women, sometimes as their wives were standing next to them. it upset me so much, i wanted to punch them in the nards. but they were all so short, i would have had to get on my knees to do it.

"but they take such good care of their families", people try to justify. of course they do!! otherwise, their wives wouldn't put up with their crap and would leave them for some other man who might at least respect and honor them.

we've got a lot of things wrong in the u.s., but i have to believe that the way we treat women in general is much better than most places in this world.

FastTrakStatus said...

the interesting thing about what you have written about is that italian men, or any culture wrought with machisimo for that matter, are pretty much living the way the typical american man would like to live in terms of relationships; no restrictions and plenty of freedom. my god, i'm going to be crucified for saying this, but here i go ...

i realize my saying this puts me in a horrifically negative and misogynistic light, but think about it this way; if you were to dress up like a guy, walk into the gypsy, blue hour, berbati's ... hell, even the goodfoot for that matter, on a saturday night and with a lax, buddy-buddy, "hey-bro!" attitude propose a hypothetical situation that you have witnessed firsthand in italy, i'd be willing to bet most of the men you discussed would consider what you have described as a 'fantasy.' an attractive one.

finally, keep in mind i typically undercut the human race ... and that i am obviously not describing myself. obviously.

ruthie said...

americans cheat all the time. they just hide it better.

TQ said...

corbs, if I were to walk into the gypsy as a guy, the first thing I would do is pick a fight with red-shirt-guy. Red-shirt-guy is my nemesis, and he would also be the first to agree that this Italian two-timing thing is is fantasy. Do you really want to clump all men with the likes of him?

Anonymous said...

I married an Italian male and a week after the wedding he started talking about how nice it would be to have more than one woman.

I pointed out that that was disloyalty.

He never could quite understand where I was coming from.

True Blue said...

My ex boyfriend is one of these guys. Wants the "100% Italian family" to pass on his to offspring but can't stop being a cheat. He has been married for 2 months and still won't leave me alone. I never respond to his calls or texts out of respect for his wife but that doesn't stop him from trying. Eventually he will find some whore to play into his narcisistic fanasies!

Anonymous said...

I for one as an italian guy myself dispise (sorry if i spelled it wrong) the fact of cheating. though i understand why italian men do it.like their was this one period of time where i had this very beautiful girlfriend but i had to go to D.C. once for vacation and she to chicago. All the while in D.C. i could not stop myself from looking at other women and flirting with them once in a while. i guess ur right it is something italian boys learn when they are born. thank god for me i have learned to control myself

Anonymous said...

I posted some time ago that I had married an Italian man and a week after the wedding, he was talking about having two woman.

A year after we were married, he planned a trip to Italy without me, which was a tip-off for me. Newly married couples don't usually take separate vacations. He said I could join him after a week.

I've gotten out of the relationship and he has gone through a number of girlfriends and the one he is living with now, has no idea that he has been sleeping with two other women behind her back.

This man is so loving and attentive that it is hard to square with his behavior. I guess this is why Italian men attract women--because they are so completely attentive to whomever they are with--but they still have affairs on the side and are probably 100% attentive to their mistresses.

Anonymous said...

Well, Italian men are definitely very cheeky, and seem to follow their natural instincts all the time - experience - , even if they are married, and as a consequence, they cheat. Maybe it is down to their desire to say yes, they managed to have an encounter with this and that girl/lady, but overall they are either very selfish, or just not respect girlfriends, or they are just pretending it for the sake of a marriage,etc. But generally, I do not believe that many honest men left around anyway. Well, maybe Italian girlfriends anf wives are just able to bear all that then better than we from other European countries.

Anonymous said...

Imagine getting involved and having fallen for a man from Italy who tells you that he is going home to see his family and a week before he leaves tells you he is going back to get married to a girl in Italy? NO CLUE SHE EXISTED. Imagine that man getting married and leaving his wife for 10 days thereafter to go on a trip with one of his handful of women and claims it is business. Imagine he comes back to the States without wife -- she comes 4 months later -- and in his book, our tete e tete will continue because "one thing has nothing to do with the other." Now 2.5 years later, he is still tete e teting with whomever and there is now a newborn baby involved.

These small country women need to wake up....

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. I have lives in 4 different countries, and my mom told me my whole life, be careful with latin men - they always cheat;" That being said my husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been lieke seeing something you would think is in the Taliban.
Right now I live in Mexico, and while prostitution is leagal in this country, and strip bars seem to attract tourists like honey does to bees, I have to say what my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than Italian men. I think latin men and really all men can not help but glance at beautiful women, but Italian men all they do is travel away from their families and cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! I did not realize how truely awful they were having grown up in America, we really are raised to not judge grous of people by one person, but I have not yet met an italian man who is faithful to his wife; Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, go as far away from him as possible, they are all the same, epecially from the south.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. I have lives in 4 different countries, and my mom told me my whole life, be careful with latin men - they always cheat;" That being said my husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like seeing something you would think is in the Taliban.
I have to say what my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than Italian men. I think latin men and really all men can not help but glance at beautiful women, but Italian men all they do is travel away from their families and cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! I did not realize how truely awful they were having grown up in America, we really are raised to not judge grous of people by one person, but I have not yet met an italian man who is faithful to his wife; Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, go as far away from him as possible, they are all the same, epecially from the south.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. I have lives in 4 different countries, and my mom told me my whole life, be careful with latin men - they always cheat;" That being said my husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like seeing something you would think is in the Taliban.
I have to say what my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than Italian men. I think latin men and really all men can not help but glance at beautiful women, but Italian men all they do is travel away from their families and cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! I did not realize how truely awful they were having grown up in America, we really are raised to not judge grous of people by one person, but I have not yet met an italian man who is faithful to his wife; Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. I have lives in 4 different countries, and my mom told me my whole life, be careful with latin men - they always cheat;" That being said my husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like.
my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than an Italian man. Italian men cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! I did not realize how truely awful they were having grown up in America, we really are raised to not judge groups of people by one person, but I have not yet met an italian man who is faithful to his wife; Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. I have lives in 4 different countries, and my mom told me my whole life, be careful with latin men - they always cheat;" That being said my husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like.
my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than an Italian man. Italian men cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. I have lives in 4 different countries, and my mom told me my whole life, be careful with latin men - they always cheat;" That being said my husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like.
my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than an Italian man. Italian men cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. My husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have lived in 4 different countries and I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like.
my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than an Italian man. Italian men cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. My husband's father was from Rome, and I met him while visitig Peru with my mom 10 years ago. I have to say, my experience with my husband's friends and italian relatives has been like.
my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than an Italian man. Italian men cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

I'm american but my mom is from Peru. My husband's father was from Rome,
my female italian friend always tells me: No man is worse than an Italian man. Italian men cheat on their wives, epecially italian men from the south; I do not know what is worse, the constant cheating or the lies?! Last year my husband's second cousin came to stay with us in Guadalajara for 2 months, a place where my husband and I moved to temporarily for work and quite a few "Napolitan" lived; The cousin arrived right at the begining of the influenza scandel and everything was closed; after we listened for hours about how happy he was with his wife and kids, we went to get pizza, and the first thing he did was pick up the waitress who waited on our table, righ in fron of me. When we lived in London 5 years ago, we were neighbors, so his wife and I are very close and speak on the telephone everyday. But I wanted to believe he did this because he was drunk, as my husband told me; then, one of husband's closest friends sent his wife and son to Napoli because, he would die if his son cought the influenza; same thing, first thing he did was pick up a sieries of girls in the next 6 months he was "free" as he put it; but it was not until my husband's cousin lest that it really hit me one day trying to text my husband I accidently picked up the cousin's cell and it was full of love notes between him and the waitress and other women, in fact there were no male names in the cell; the reason he came to Mexico was just to have affairs and to cheat! That was the real reason the friend put his wife and son on a plane as well just to be with as many different women as possible; I am disgusted. The funny thing is, the wives barely even leave their homes without their husbands permission, the 1 in London does not even speak English she barely ever does anything for herself; meanwhile, the husbands have orgies with each other. At first my husband tried to cover for these pieces of crap, but let me tell you what I have seen is what is on the show "The Sopranos" but without the fancy houses or money or killing; I would advise as my female italian friend says to do when you meet an italian man, get as far as possible from him.

Anonymous said...

Good comments which shed light on the intrigue and lies a recent Sicilian man secreted from me, while claiming to have been married only once to an Italian woman who cheated on him; he announced several months later he had gone back to his (well kept secret) second wife! They lie, lie, lie, drive you nuts with their lies and deceit and finally let the truth out...they want as many women as they can get and expect the one they are attentive to at the time to just "get it" or it's over. I left, saying one man was enough. They don't get loyalty, truth, equality with women at all. Women are objects to them, prizes and discards.