forgotten thoughts.

Journal Entry July 30, 2005:
"I woke up this morning with thoughts of Milan on my brain. Where did those come from? Why Milan and why now? This is the first time Italy has come up. But perhaps this is something for me???
My thoughts about Milan were to go to design school, preferably grad school for creative entrepreneurship and learn Italian. Is this crazy?"

I remember that summer morning, waking up with these ideas out-of-the-blue, a revelation of sorts that bewildered me. After moving to Portland, I had a period when I was trying to figure out a new plan, avoid settling there and move to the next spot. I'd thought about other places before, LA, NYC, Colorado, but never Milan.

That morning I stumbled down to the Portland Coffee House, my Saturday morning wi-fi spot, and looked up possible grad programs. I felt I finally had some direction of where to go, and I was going to research it. I told a few friends, and Alan even bought me a book on learning Italian. The idea of going to Italy continued for a few months, but nothing ever panned out. In all honesty I didn't pursue it beyond a few internet searches and some passing prayers.

July 30, 2005 continued...
"I am very smitten with the idea of going far, far away. I am very smitten with learning a language, just really pursuing that. I want to own my own business, I want to live a creatively charged life. And at this point I am not pursuing any of those things.
I am in Oregon (which I love)
spending tons of time with friends (whom I love)
working a job (that I like)
and spending a lot of time training for the triathlon (which I love)"

I had been in Portland less than a year at that time. I was just getting to know the city. It was only a few weeks before that I ran the Nike Run Hit Wonder with over 10,000 people right past my apartment in downtown and thought, "I love it here." And a week after this entry I moved in Peter and Jessica's with Ruthie...a real home with real friends (some of my best friends) instead of a studio apartment for one. There was still a lot of life to be lived there.

I stumbled onto this entry, filed in a random folder on my computer, a few nights ago. My current brain had forgotten about those thoughts. This fall when I e-mailed Alan to tell him I was moving to Italy, he said his mom always says that I always make good on what I say I'm going to do. The idea of school in Italy came from another place entirely this last fall, a suggestion from Barbara, and even with Alan's words I never fully connected the two. Running onto this entry has been just another link that has calmed me and settled me into this here foreign city.

There comes a point in every situation in which I stop running and settle in. Summer '05 was when it happened for me in Portland, and May '07 is when it happened in Milan.
(I still love you, Portland.)