read it and weep.

I woke up with an acute pain in my heart today…a need to go home…and a crying in my heart for a God I sometimes feel hasn’t followed me here.

Last night was the big goodbye, the last get-together of our class before everyone takes off for August vacation. The majority of my classmates will be spending the next five weeks in the destination they call home. When looking toward August, I saw an opportunity to do a bit of exploring in the countries around me and take advantage of the hospitality some of my new friends in their home countries. It never once occurred to me to go to the States during August.

But when I woke up this morning, with “buy a ticket to Turkey” on my to-do list, I found myself going to Travelocity to do some other searches…”Milan-Omaha”…”London-Omaha”…even ”London-New York.” All options were over a thousand, answering my desire to go home with a firm, “No.”

But it’s not Nebraska.
It’s not the heat of summer that peels off make-up before I step past the screen door…
or the miles and miles of roads that lie between pieces of civilization.
It’s not Portland, either, although I’ve dwelt on that city a lot in the past.

I miss the unmistakable feeling of being known.
I miss my own laugh.
I only see glimpses of myself here, and sometimes I wonder where she’s gone.

It’s not like I’m walking around sad with a frown upon my face…
Nothing of the sort,
but
Sometimes laughter is only felt as deeply as the one who instigates it knows me.

And if you’re reading this, I probably miss you.
baci e abracci.